


More Than He Can Say

by mistresscurvy



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-23
Updated: 2011-06-23
Packaged: 2017-10-20 16:15:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/214620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistresscurvy/pseuds/mistresscurvy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank doesn't know what it is about tonight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Than He Can Say

**Author's Note:**

> Written in response to that kissing video that all of you have seen! But what the hell, let's [WATCH IT AGAIN.](http://vimeo.com/25445964)
> 
> Thank you to littlemousling and rivers_bend for the beta. ♥

Frank doesn't know what it is about tonight, but something finally snaps.

One moment he's going about his business, playing for the crowd, feeling the surge of the music and the energy of his boys, his _band_ flowing through him, and the next minute it all changes. He looks over at Gerard, sees him singing and performing with his whole body, and it just makes Frank so happy, so in love with his life. Frank is still playing full out at the audience, but everything in his head starts to get quiet and calm and still as his body makes a decision before his brain has got a chance in hell to start processing it.

He swings his guitar around, getting it out of the way because he's gonna need the room, gonna need the _space_ to make this happen. It feels like it's happening in slow motion, almost like those out-of-body moments that sometimes happen onstage but bigger, more demanding, more there. He just knows that if he doesn't give in, doesn't let himself take this and hold onto it while he can, this moment of magic and suspense and possibility, that it'll be gone in a second and he'll never get it back. The force of his feet hitting the floor as he strides over to Gerard reverberates up into his chest, lodges there as he steps in front of Gerard, blocking him from the crowd, making him _his._

There's a small look of surprise on Gerard's face as he sees Frank, but Frank ignores it, bringing his hands up to the sides of Gerard's face and charging forward for a kiss. And yes, this, _this_ was what he needed, Gerard's taste and the feel of his lips sliding against his own and his hitching gasps of breath as Frank holds him steady against his mouth, rising up onto his tiptoes to control the angle. The momentum of his lips pushing against Gerard’s dances them both upstage, locked in a rhythm all their own that plays off of the band and yet is separate from it too, entirely its own entity, his and Gerard’s.

The roar in his ears is from so much more than just the noise of the crowd.

Gerard finally breaks away, and Frank knows that this is the most important moment, this is when he needs to play it off, get it slotted into the category of just another one of their stage theatrics, those crazy guys who do crazy shit on stage, have you heard about them? And it’s not for the crowd, he doesn't give a shit about them in this moment, but for _him,_ for him and Gerard, who's off to the side flapping his hand around a little, camping it up, doing his thing. And so Frank matches him, struts off with a little leg kick and throws himself into the rest of the song, smirking when Gerard says something about what a good kisser he is even as the entire room closes in on him, that moment replaying itself in his mind over and over again.

But he's a professional, he can do this, he can make it into something that's bigger than him, that's not actually _about_ him at all, he can give Gerard that room and let him spin it into something that will be larger than life for their fans and he can keep the real part of it close to him, can keep it private from the world and from his band and from Gerard, too.

And he’s past the point of worrying about whether this is okay, whether Gerard is cool with it when there aren’t fucking asshole homophobes calling them faggots and Gerard wants to make a _statement_ or whatever, because he needs this, and he knows he can’t have everything that he wants, but he can have this. He will take what he can fucking get. He knows the score.

* * *

When Gerard attacks his mouth while pushing Frank into an empty dressing room and then shoves him up against the wall, he realizes that he doesn’t know shit.

He lets himself kiss Gerard back for a minute, lets Gerard trap him against the wall with his body while he clutches Gerard's face to him, biting down on his lower lip and going in again and again. But finally he pushes Gerard away, braces himself against the wall before standing up again fully, panting and staring at Gerard's flushed face.

"What the fuck, Gerard?" He doesn't know what the fuck this is, but he's not going to let this shit mess them up.

Gerard's eyes bug out at him, his hands flapping a little at his sides. "I just kissed you," he says slowly, as if Frank might somehow miss the words.

"Yeah?" Frank says, crossing his arms in front of his chest in an effort to prevent himself from reaching out for him.

"Like you just did earlier," Gerard continues, backing up a little from Frank with his hand out, as if Frank's a spooked animal that Gerard should be wary of. And maybe he's right--Frank feels like his hackles are raised, like he's raw and vulnerable and there's no way out except through Gerard, through having this conversation, and that would be a fucking disaster, but Frank can't help but respond to Gerard.

"That was on fucking stage, Gerard, it was fucking different."

Gerard's hand drops a little, his face losing the cautious, careful look that Frank hates having directed at him and replaced with one even worse: he looks like he's shutting down, like _he's_ the one protecting himself from life, from Frank, and that doesn't work for Frank, is the thing, Gerard should never need to protect himself from Frank. He's _his._

"Gerard." Now Frank's the one moving forward, Gerard stepping back, and there's an open door right behind him, Gerard could just run and Frank can't handle that, can't handle trying to just pull it together and get back in the bus and play a show tomorrow night at Long Beach and just act like it's all the same. It's shifted, whether he meant it to or not when he kissed Gerard tonight, and he's not going to avoid having this conversation forever. Not when Gerard looks like this.

He circles around Gerard, getting to the door and shutting it before looking back at him. Gerard looks slightly surprised that he's still here, like he was expecting Frank to be the one to bolt, and he crosses his arms over his chest again, feeling irritable and cranky and still turned on and above all else confused. "Gerard. Seriously, what the fuck."

"I just--I fucking kissed you, okay?” Gerard is practically vibrating in front of him, and that energy starts to break out as he flaps his arms widely, barely looking at Frank. “Because I thought that was what we were doing now, or something, and it was what you wanted, and it doesn't always need to be in front of ten thousand people. That’s all." He shoves his hands up into his hair at his temples and Frank is suddenly brought back to when it was his hands in Gerard's hair on stage, feeling the sweat between each strand and wanting to tug on them.

He tries to shake that off, focus back in on Gerard and what he just said rather than how he looks right now, tense and anxious and-- _embarrassed,_ none of which is okay and Frank needs to fix this, if he can only figure out how this went wrong in the first place. "Why is it--why is this about what _I_ want?" he asks slowly, balling his fists together and making himself wait for the answer, not lash out or try to make a joke.

Gerard blinks at him, shoulders up around his ears, looking like a puppy expecting a hit. "Because, well. Because you know what I want."

The buzzing in his ears has started again, and he tries to ignore it, tries to just focus. "Tell me."

Gerard's eyes slide shut, a sudden flush pinking over his cheeks all the way to his ears. "You know."

His entire body tingling, Frank shakes his head immediately, never mind the fact that Gerard can't see him, and walks up close to Gerard. "I don't think I do."

Gerard finally opens his eyes, looking like he doesn't have enough in him to try to hide any longer. "I want any part of you that I can get. Whatever you'll give me. I'll take it."

Frank feels like he's floating above them, just observing this conversation as it happens, and it's the desire to ground himself more than anything else at this moment that makes him reach out one hand and cup the side of Gerard's face, watching as Gerard's eyes fall closed again as he tips his head against Frank's hand.

Frank's known for a long time that he can be a total dumbass, but this really sets a new record.

"I am such a fucking dumbass," he whispers, and Gerard's eyes flick back open, immediately seeking out Frank's. He stops hiding when Gerard looks at him, stops trying to mask and deflect and paper over what he wants with what he thinks he can have, and it's only when he feels like he'll break apart under the intensity of Gerard's gaze that he leans in, so slowly, and kisses Gerard again.

It's nothing like the last two kisses. It's deliberate, knowing, _sure_ in a way he could never have imagined, and something loosens in his chest as he makes a small choked off noise and throws his arms around Gerard's neck, letting him take his weight and trusting he'll have him.

He can't stop kissing Gerard, can't stop trying to get closer to him, their bodies already flush up against each other. Everything about this is too much, too overwhelming, but it's his, finally, and he can't make himself care about anything other than the feel of Gerard's lips on his and the way that Gerard's hands are holding him up, firm against his back.

Frank starts to tug him down, starts pulling him to the floor and letting his legs go limp, and it takes Gerard just a second too long to figure out his plan and they crash to their knees together, Frank falling over onto his right hip with a painful thud.

"Frank, are you--" Gerard starts to ask, and Frank just shakes his head and pushes back up to kiss him again, leaning into him until Gerard is on his back on the floor and Frank can get his body on top of his. Gerard starts to push against him now, and at first Frank doesn't get it, thinks that he wants to get back up and he holds on, not willing to let him go.

But Gerard is persistent, pressing at his left hip until Frank realizes what he wants and rolls over onto his side, pulling Gerard with him until they're both facing each other. He kisses Gerard again and again, frantic with it, but when Gerard slides his right hand around his waist and cups his cock through his jeans he gasps and pulls away from Gerard’s mouth just a little.

"Yeah," Gerard murmurs, suddenly in control, and Frank nods against his face, thrusting his hips forward into Gerard's hand, and somehow Gerard gets his jeans undone and his cock out and Frank moans, overwhelmed and already trigger-close.

"I just--I just wanted this, just you and me, I just, I wouldn't risk it," he gasps out, and Gerard makes little shushing noises at him as he sets a rhythm with his hand, just a little slower than Frank really wants, or _needs,_ but even more than the feeling of Gerard’s hand on his cock he needs to let Gerard _know,_ finally. "It's not just about the stage, it--"

Gerard shuts him up with a kiss and with a quick twist of his wrist, and Frank's legs twitch out and all he can do is run his hands all over Gerard's face and head and down his arm, feeling him as he jerks Frank off, and it's when Gerard starts making small noises into Frank's mouth as his body shudders against Frank's that Frank loses it, coming with a low groan all over Gerard's hand and his pants and the floor.

His hands scrabble against Gerard's crotch, trying to get his fly open and his hands on Gerard's dick, hot and heavy through the thick material of his jeans. Gerard keeps twitching against him, his hands up on Frank's face and in his hair, disgusting and covered with Frank's come, but he doesn't care, still pushing his hips forward as he finally gets his hand around the head of Gerard's cock, already slick and leaking.

Gerard gasps and sort of shakes forward into Frank's hand, his fingers tightening around Frank's hair, and Frank can't keep his mouth shut.

"God I want to suck you, Gerard," he says, licking over Gerard's lips as he shudders at the words, hands twitching open and then clasping Frank's face, holding him close. "Just, when we get some time I'm going to take you all the way in, can't wait to find out how you taste, get my mouth on your cock."

Gerard cries out, Frank’s hands still fumbling around on Gerard’s cock, barely setting a rhythm at all, but it’s enough for Gerard, his body going still as his cock twitches and pulses through his orgasm. Frank strokes him through it, the come making the slide of his hand nice and easy, and when Gerard's hips finally twitch back out of reach Frank brings his hand up and licks his palm, finally getting the taste of Gerard in his mouth. That will have to be enough for now, because Gerard makes a broken noise and pulls Frank's hand away, kissing him deeply, more frantic than Frank would have guessed possible thirty second after coming.

He strokes over Gerard's tongue, trying to gentle him, and Gerard finally quiets a bit, still kissing him over and over but with affection rather than desperation. "I never knew," Frank says eventually, pulling away enough so that he can see Gerard clearly.

The pink flush is back over Gerard's face, and Frank brushes over his cheekbone with his thumb soothingly. "Me neither," he says, ducking down a little before looking up at Frank through his eyelashes. "I'm glad I do now."

And Frank responds the only way he can to that, which is to make sure he knows everything. The bus can fucking wait.


End file.
